I really enjoy writing blogs. The way people type, their words, vivid vocabulary, and sentence structure, it tells me so much about their lives. It even gets deeper and more interested in that person, plus alot of the writing is so relating to me that I had to bookmark it.
I wish and hope I can fix my mistakes. I know, I come with many flaws and I wish you can understand. Constantly my mistakes are flooding to my brain and it troubles me knowing that you take the consequences. I’m sorry.
I swear to you I’m really not much - from head to toe, from skin to bone, and from inside to outside, I am not the one who you will find happiness with - you will have to seek someone else to fill the void you desire. I cannot delude myself into thinking I can be with you simply because I know I will not match your expectations.
I don’t know what it is that I’m waiting for, but my heart feels like it’s yearning for something; this desire to want, and to want it passionately and wholeheartedly. I want to want something so bad that my bones tremble at the thought of it, that my heart feels dangerously close to combusting into ashes, thirsting for it. There is something exquisite and magical about the human desire and just how much one can accomplish. I want that.
But what changed? What robbed my heart senseless of its presence? It’s there, but not really there. My heart… it wants to want. Without the appetite, without intent, it feels awfully empty. Nowadays I let things come and go without much care. “It’s okay, things will happen as they should” and “It’s fine, it simply wasn’t meant to be”, things I believe in are also the reasons behind this destruction of longing. Maybe I’m afraid. Maybe I’ve given up. Or maybe I’m just too hopeful and faithful to this core belief that everything works out in the end, but with that notion, it takes away the beauty in wanting and being disappointed when I don’t get it but still going for it.
It’s eerie - this silence, this absent feeling; and to be honest, it’s not much different from death.
With every sense of happiness that could possibly fill my mind, I can’t help but realize that everything will eventually fade away. Our family, our friends, somehow they will all fade away whether we like it or not. People become old and the courageousness within our youth turns into dust. It breaks me down to realize that one day I will be in a sweat-stained bed, with one final last breath. But fuck it! Things change, but our eyes will always be young.
I just gotta stop with this negative attitude. The more negative I am, the more sad, lonely, and corrupted I will be. I don’t want no ghost to take over my body being so low on confidence. I’ll pray and hope my life would get better.
I guess I just gotta believe in myself, and take every negative criticism as a challenge to show them I can improve. Just one day…
Looking back, I realized how much I’ve changed. I’m not the same little girl I used to be, but I’ve grown up to have seen both the good and bad in life. We’ve all been through so much, some more than others. From the good vibes with close friends to the heartbreaks on lonely nights. But no matter what, always keep your head up and stay strong because that’s the only way you’ll be able to get through life.
I hate being judged off the bat just because of what I look like or what people say about me. Get to know me first hand and it’s possible that everything you’ve heard or assumed is wrong. It’s cliché but don’t judge a book by it’s cover. I may come off as something bad for the first time, but for all you know I could be the complete opposite.
i’m jealous of the people who actually have it well. People that don’t feel lonely, that have someone that cares and are able to see each other everyday. Making memories all the time, being carefree, and just letting loose. Fun here, fun there, fun that. I wouldn’t want to trade lives, but you can’t but help to feel just a bit envious. Just a bit.
You know that feeling where you think about that someone, and there’s an ache in your chest? It’s only them you think about. It’s only them who constantly crosses your mind and seep through your darkest secrecy corners of the mind. The ones who slowly disappear from your presence. To the daily text message, phone calls, webcamming, goodmornings and good nights.
That pain that grows on you as time progresses on. That heart ache that doesn’t dissolve away, but rather leaving an unclosed wound. An unreasonable unclosure door that is left behind. The need for closure builds on. Just wanting a reason to be said, yet only silence is creeping in.
Opening your eyes wide open to silence. Waking up to no missed calls. Not being able to hear their voices. No more wake up calls or sleepy voices, but waking up to a world that is on its end.
You’re going to wake up and wonder what happened. You are going to look at your phone and hope for a call or message that’s never going to be delivered on the daily again. You’re going to think about the things we ever did, the laughs we shared, the smiles we made and the experiences that are left on the floor to mend. The songs we sang, the future predictions, the plans we made all gone and forgotten.
One day we are going to talk. One morning, I’m going to ask you what happened. And in that morning you’re not going to know what to say but that things have changed.
And one night, we are both going to go to bed lost and go on our separate pathways.
So say farewell to the places we know. I’ve loved the good times shared and I will miss the good times here.
I’ve been let down so many times that I just tend to drift away from them. Sometimes I wonder how they are doing.. if they are having a happy life without me. I just don’t have that ability to be close to someone where I can actually tell everything and someone who I can count on every single day where they can make me laugh, smile, happy. The truth is it’s hard for me to trust people now a days.. I feel like whenever I do trust someone, they are just going to back stab me.
You have no idea how much I love those. Especially when they’re from the person you like. It’s just nice knowing that you were on their mind when they woke up and they decided to let you know that. What makes it better is when there’s a smile to go with it. I just think it’s really sweet when I wake up and see that someone actually took the time to tell me good morning.
I want a hug right now. One of those hugs where you feel secure. Where you just get to let out all of your tears. The one where it makes you feel as if everything is okay. Right now isn’t a good time for me and all I want is some comfort. Sucks knowing things get’s worse. I don’t have anyone there just to keep me company and get my mind off things. I get sucked in all my feelings and bullshit. I hate it.
With all the past relationships and people we’ve dated. We’ve all done some crazy ass shit for them. Either it was traveling far, embarrassing yourself, meeting their family, doing something you never done just for them. Once you guys stop seeing eachother, and its done. You’ll look back in the future and think of all the troubles and stupid shit you’ve done for love
In the end, they say you’re only left with memories. Some stick with you forever while others are just temporary and slowly fade away over time. And that was my fear because it made me wonder. When it was time for me to settle down or look for something serious I didn’t know what to expect; or even worse, how to deal with it. What if a certain song started playing, would it bring back an old set of memories? If we decided to watch an old movie would you start having flashbacks? And what about a specific date on the calendar, would it make you reminisce on how things used to be? All these questions that I’m pretty sure I didn’t want the answers to. Your past was out of my control, but it definitely affects who you are today. I couldn’t imagine living a life where you’d think of someone else when you’re with me. It’s hard, to build from what’s already been established. Deciding to fill in those gaps and making lefts where it didn’t go right. Embodying the missing pieces of your puzzle of why it didn’t work out with your previous relationships. I know I cant change your past, but I’d want to be in your future. Sometimes you have to be willing to overlook what has already happened in order to move on.
I’m a fucked up person now. I wish I was the old back me again. I loved everyone, I was kind, and I would be always smiling. I wish I could change myself how I used to be. But now. I can’t. I tell myself to do it but all these shit I done and all these stress…Its just…impossible. I wish I had a peaceful life. Sigh.
Meet at least one asshole before you die. You’ll learn three things: how to take the truth, how to not be a bitch, and how to not be a bitch. If you’re going to cry over mere words, you’ve got work to do. Tough shit.
Stings so much. It feels like my friends don’t even think about me anymore. It was also the people who I’m close with who planned that event. My chest just feels so heavy. I guess I don’t cross their mind when they’ve always went through mine.
All you can really do sometimes is cry, cry till your hearts content. I don’t like to open up to people. I’d rather not talk about my problems. It’s just something that I keep to myself because it never really concerns anyone else but me. It’s always a battle between my mind and my heart. Plus, I can never put it in words and explain myself where someone could understand anyone. Although I have friends, it feels as if I have no one.
I think you could fall in love with anyone if you saw the parts of them no one else gets to see. Like if you followed them around invisibly for a day and saw them crying in their bed at night or singing in the shower or humming quietly to themselves as they make a sandwich or even just walking along the street. And even if they were really weird and had no friends at school, I think, after seeing them at their most vulnerable, you wouldn’t be able to help falling in love with them.
No matter what you’re going through, or what you’ve been through. Always put a smile on your face. Show them you’re strong and that you can make through anything. Even it might be your worstest moment, always smile. Not because you can’t, because you know you can.
I don’t see the point of living anymore. Since I was about 12 I have felt like that everything would be better if I was dead. I hate my life,everything about me. I hurt so many people in my life. Nobody likes me here. I’m a fucked up person. So yeah what’s the point me living right now? There’s just noting worth living for.. i’m not afraid of hell, the only reason i haven’t done it yet is because i could never put that on my family. i just want to run away somewhere no one would find me, and just lay down and die.
Respect him. Hear him out when something’s wrong. It’s not always his fault, you know. Thank him for making the effort to see you and treat you out. Thank him for making you laugh and loving you. If he makes a mistake, forgive him. He didn’t mean it, and he most definately doesn’t want to hurt you. You’re his girl and all he wants is for you to be happy.